Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hard meditation days

Some days its really hard to meditate. Days like today when my mind jumps like a frog in a griddle from subject to subject, planning this or worrying about that. Its all I can do to sit still and focus on my breathing.

What happens if my big project at work doesn't pan out? We're having problems with some of the open source tools we've built it on, and I'm leaving so soon...

Focus on the out breath.

What if I wrote a bunch of blog posts today so when I'm feeling less energy, I can get away without writing at all?

Breath in, breath out.

How can I bottle all of this energy up and let it out some other time when I need it?

Focus on the out breath.

Breath out...

Breath out...

Nonstriving is the hardest part of meditation for me. Not trying to achieve anything, accepting days like today as just as valid as the days that feel successful, where I could sit forever just being, and where I spend the rest of the day feeling what my wife calls 'blissed out'.

That probably makes nonstriving the most important part of meditation for me. Reminding myself that not everything I do has to be part of a plan, or progress towards a goal, or building something. Some things can just be.

Thus I can practice meditation as a way to learn how to do things without always needing reasons or goals. Ironic, no? One of my reasons for meditating is to learn how to not always need reasons for doing things. I guess I still need practice.

No comments:

Post a Comment